After seeing The Chosen: The Last Supper: Parts 1 & 2 this weekend, I had an uncomfortable realization that I might actually be more like Judas than I thought. I want to be more like Peter or John, but the truth is that my mind sabotages me and that was a big problem for Judas too.

.In the show, there's a moment where Judas tells Jesus that they're running out of time for Jesus to claim his rightful throne. To let him help Jesus “close the deal” with the people that believe in him. To let him use his gifts to help Jesus. To take his advice. But Jesus never asked for Judas’ advice. He asked for his heart. (watch the scene here)

Jesus asks Judas:

“And if I don't do whatever big thing you imagined I should do at this time, would you still believe?”

See, Judas believed that Jesus was the Messiah, he just didn’t understand why He didn’t act like the Kings he knew and heard about in stories. He expected power, authority, maybe even war. He was looking for a dramatic takeover of Rome… a bold, flashy entrance.

But Jesus did all that Judas hoped for—just in a completely different way.

Judas thought Jesus would conquer by force.
→ Jesus conquered through obedience.

Judas expected a throne and a sword.
→ Jesus chose a cross and submission.

Judas assumed Jesus would say, “Forget Caesar, stop paying taxes.”
→ Jesus said, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and give to God what is God’s.”

That was the straw on Judas’ back.

As a businessman, he could not wrap his mind around someone who would justify paying taxes to someone who already has enough money. He said it should go to the poor —but considering that Judas was skimming coins out of the money bag, we know he probably would have kept it for himself.

Peter even calls him a “walking contradiction.”And honestly? I felt that. Because sometimes I am too. He let his own ideas, his own logic, his own mind cloud his faith. And that’s the part that hit me the hardest…because I’ve done the exact same thing.

He has THE SON OF GOD, THE HIGH PRIEST, THE MESSIAH in his inner circle (truth is, so do we 🥴) , but because this King doesn’t behave the way he expects, he’s angry. He chooses not to truly believe. He allows his own thoughts to overtake his ability to believe in something that is way bigger than him. Yes, Judas was chosen to fulfill the prophecy, but his thoughts were a big part of his undoing.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed earnestly to the Lord asking for breakthrough, for direction, for change…and He does, just not how I pictured it. In these moments, I basically reject who Jesus is trying to show me who he is in my life just because it doesn’t align with my idea of how I think He should show up. Then I get caught in this cycle of asking for “clarity,” when really—I haven’t surrendered my mind to His will.

Seeing Judas’ story unfold in front of my eyes truly made me realize how many times God has tried to teach me this lesson and I’ve missed the mark. I have to let go of my idea of the best solution to my problem and allow God to move how he needs to. It’s not full surrender if I still want God to do it the way I think it should be done.

It’s so much easier than it seems to take our heart back from Jesus. One little disappointment. One unanswered prayer. One unexpected twist. And just like that, we’re taking our trust back. Our heart is either with Jesus or with the enemy. As we make the plans for our life, we have to be flexible enough for God to move however he wants to. Just because it’s a good plan doesn’t mean it’s God’s plan. And just because I believe in Him doesn’t mean I’ve actually trusted Him with the outcome.

So, I’ve learned that:

• Full surrender is not just giving the situation to God, but it’s also allowing God to solve it in whatever way he sees fit. So when I pray, I pray that the Lord’s will be done and I lay my expectations at the altar.

• In order to know God, you must first understand how he sees you and believe it. So I’ve started declaring daily Who I am in Christ —because if I don’t anchor myself in His truth, my mind will keep drifting toward my truth.

• I have to let go of wanting to control the narrative in my life because that was never my job in the first place. I can’t say that I trust God and then get upset when the outcome is not what I expected.

Moral of the story: My mind is really my biggest hater.

But I’m anchoring myself in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (AMP) which says,

“The weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood]. Our weapons are divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying sophisticated arguments and every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ… ”

Meaning that although I’m battling my mind between prideful thoughts that I know better than God, (OUCH!) He gives me the strength to fight it.
- Romans 12:2 tells me to be transformed by the renewing of my mind.
- Romans 8:37 reminds me I’m more than a conqueror through Christ.

I truly believe that if Judas would have repented in his heart, he would have been forgiven. Jesus loved him through every moment. Like, c’mon, He knew he was stealing. So let’s not leave our minds in the state that Judas did. You have a chance to be forgiven and turn from your ways. Every moment of every day, we have to COMMAND our thoughts to submit to the power of Jesus Christ. So, if you’re anything like me: actively letting go of control, actively giving God your heart — know that you’re not alone.

But from now on: let’s both keep laying our expectations at the altar.

With Love,

Jas 🫶🏽

Enjoy 🎧 ‘Tis So Sweet x The Spirituals